This CW show is one of those that everyone loves to hate. There is something so satisfying about seeing the most absurd Riverdale quotes and wondering whether the writers actually revised their first draft. Created by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, this series stars KJ Apa, Lili Reinhart, Camila Mendes, Cole Sprouse, Madelaine Petsch, Casey Cott, Vanessa Morgan, Charles Melton, Mark Consuelos, Mädchen Amick, Marisol Nichols and Drew Ray Tanner, alongside other cast members. It is produced by Jennifer Lene and Amy Myrold, alongside others.
While most people enjoyed the beginning of the show because of the dark and dystopic take they brought to the happy-go-lucky storyline from the original comics, the rest became a true test of patience. Writers would introduce random supernatural elements in the series, make the characters do things they would never and finally say things that would never make sense in any kind of universe. Check out some of the quotes below to see what other kind of fanfiction writing this series brought.
Absurd Riverdale Quotes That Make No Sense
1. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in. And I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” – Jughead Jones, S1 E10
Talk about a pick-me boy. This dialogue just shows how the writing manages to bring out the already cringy social divisions in a high school in a ridiculous way through this episode. The hat is weird, buddy, but that attitude is more so.
2. Ghoulie: “I dropped out in the fourth grade to run drugs to support my Nana.”
Archie: “That means you haven’t known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.” – Archie Andrews S3 E2
Archie makes peaking in high school sound like an Olympic sport. Good for him because his personality never developed beyond all of this. Especially when he pleaded guilty in a trial for a crime, he did not commit.
3. “Mr Andrews. Nice Haircut. Looking extremely DILFy today. – Cheryl Blossom S1 E9
Every time Cheryl speaks, a Karen is let loose in the wild. This is just the beginning because it continues to surprise me how this extremely interesting woman has such a concerning vocabulary.
4. A Vughead kiss, right now, in the present, might be precisely what it takes to save a future Bughead from imploding. – Jughead Jones S2 E14
Referring to the ship by name is so cool, Jughead. I am taking away all his weirdo points. While this entire premise is concerning, the idea that someone, in reality, could say this is what strikes ultimate fear.
5. “I’m sorry, Donna, but I’m the ultimate wild card. I am the daughter of The Black Hood. The nightmare from next door. I’m training with the FBI and I’m coming for you, you psycho b****! Not Joan, not Jonathan, not even Brett. Just you.” – Betty Cooper S4 E14
She really thought she ate with this. Betty has a secret streak (sorry, it’s not the serial killer gene), and that gives her the power to make everything sound incredibly funny, including this short monologue.
6. “Smile and say Endgame” – Veronica Lodge S5 E1
Veronica and Cheryl should start a group chat, and the entire internet should have access to it because they have such incredible cringe lines. It would teach any writer to avoid these kinds of potholes.
7. “There’s always room for one more kitty in my litter box.” – Josie McCoy S1 E6
How far can you take a metaphor? Josie really said that making a sexual innuendo is as far as she can take it because if someone said this to another person in real life, the uncomfortable silence would be deafening.
8. “I’m cuckoo bananas for you, obvi.”- Cheryl Blossom S3 E8
She could have just said, I love you; why were the viewers subjected to this? There is something so intimately gross witnessing this. Riverdale really strings sentences together and expects viewers to remain calm in the face of this.
9. “That’s my warrior board. It’s like a visual collection of my destiny. Also helps me manifest my goals.” – Ethel Muggs S3 E7
Ethel truly went academic battering ram and bulldozed through every social convention of conversation to say this sentence. It is writing like this that makes me wonder how far the writers of the show take the irony.
10. “Word is, Papa Poutine’s son Small Fry is looking for payback” – Elio Grande S2 E20
And the actor said this with an absolutely straight face. There are some things that should never be said to avoid cementing them in the public psyche. I feel like this was one of them.
Riverdale is currently streaming on Netflix.
What do you think of the writing on the show? Are there other quotes you think are missing from this list? Let us know in the comments below.
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